Being a new mom again and days away from being 38, I had my 1st C-section, I'm getting very little good sleep, I'm stressing about things I never stressed about with my older kids. I think I was more relaxed back then because I knew less. The older you get, the more stories you here, the more you know, the more there is to be afraid of.
I never had a monitor system with my older kids, they had a regular baby monitor that only told you if they were making noise. The system we have now measures breathing, has video, tells us if there is any movement near or in the crib. I grab snapshots like this one (even if my bed is unmade, there is random stuff all over the room)
Most of you know we weren't planning on having another baby, for goodness sakes we just got our youngest in school and I was about to be able to start working more at-home during the day with little to no distractions.
God's plan was different than ours. If I went into details about the moment the test came back positive, many of you would think I was horrible person. (There were tears, there was cussing, there was anger)
I spent most of my pregnancy whining about aches and pains, that I never experienced with my previous pregnancy. I spent all of my pregnancy saying I was to old to be doing this again. Then there was the gestational diabetes, i had never experienced that either. And of course the very end where I developed Pre-eclampsia/eclampsia. Where the baby was completely in place during labor but my body failed to prepare for her birth.
I suffer from depression, anxiety and PTSD. Most of the things I've listed above would normally send me spiraling and to my bed for days or weeks at time. But that didn't happen.
I was able to control my blood sugar numbers 85% of the time, I was and still am able to keep my energy levels up enough to get-up and do the things that need to be done and even some extras. I didn't and am not having panic attacks on a regular basis. Im not crying myself to sleep. (Although my hormones are still crazy)
I have a waist again, though it isn't perfect and it may never be again.
I have a beautiful baby girl, who is healthy, happy and growing like a weed.
I credit all the good for starters to God, he knows what we need even if we think we don't want it. I also credit my friends, who talked me through the shock, the discomfort, and reminded me that in the end it was all going to be worth it. I also give credit to my supplements and chemical educated lifestyle.
I guess I wrote all that to tell you that, just because something isn't in your plan, doesn't mean it isn't going to be one of the best things that can ever happen in your life!
If I was given the option to go back and choose to do it all over again, I'd take the struggle, knowing in the end something so beautiful was coming.
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